God speed to GreyZelda.
A week ago today, I proposed to GreyZelda's company members that we dissolve the company and they accepted it as a good idea. An implosion prompted it but the decision was, honestly, two years in the works. I had to get both brain and heart behind the idea before calling it a day and, for those wondering how I'm doing, I'm feeling pretty good.
Fact: We had $2000.00 in the bank. To produce the March show, I wanted, at least, $5000.00. I don't think, with the manpower we had, that we could've achieved that goal. Nicolle had submitted the Driehaus information and maybe that would've come through, but I wasn't willing to continue based on a gamble. We've never run business on a credit card. We worked with what we had. Chris and I, before 2007, used to supplement the budgets with our own money. Now that Clara's in the world, I'm not working, and the fact that it still seems like we're living paycheck to paycheck, there's no way we could do that anymore and, frankly, we didn't want to.
Fact: Nicolle resigned when I told her I thought it was a conflict of interest that she went to see Seven Snakes after a recent episode with Bob where he didn't return our property when asked. I thought it was inappropriate for our Managing Director to be giving him money and showing her physical support for a production using stolen property from GreyZelda. She didn't like that. When she resigned, I thought, "Eh. To hell with it, I'm sick of driving this puppy forward."
Fact: There's a plethora of storefront theatre companies in Chicago. We're oversaturated. GreyZelda won't be missed for long, if at all.
Fact: I formed the company with Chris. We founded it with anger, chaos, spit, aggression, inspiration, energy, and an overall "We're gonna kick your ass, possibly literally if you piss us off enough" type of attitude. That's not sustainable and Chris and I have changed as people. Earlier this year, Chris decided that he no longer wanted to be a decision maker with the company because he's been more focused on being Clara's Dad, being a band member, and working full time. The decision took a lot of wind out of my sails because GreyZelda was, and will always be, our baby. I don't resent that he made that decision and was glad that he was honest with himself. I just wasn't ready to be honest with MYself. We attempted to ask others to step up and I now consider that short time (eight months) as an ineffective epilogue of playing house and platitudes. A couple things were accomplished but I was still heading up everything which is not what we had wanted when we asked for help. So, do I consider it all rather pointless? Yes. It was a waste of time, friendship, hopes, and commitments.
I'm proud of what GreyZelda and its collaborators accomplished between 2004-2008. I'm happy that I've been able to meet so many incredible people. I'm excited about what's next. I wish I could have had enough clear sight to end it when it should have ended. People meant well, but good intentions aren't actions.
I know this is a negative post. It didn't end with butterflies and double rainbows. It ended with karmic appropriateness and didn't go sweetly into that good night, so the poetic justice speaks volumes. That's alright with me.